"Why worry about school? Why even go to school? All it does is rip more holes in the fabric of your emotions, spirituality, and ability to function. You'd be better of without it. What is the worst that can happen? You could be knocked out and taken to school, which really isn't that big of a deal. But there's just so much work. It is so heavy. Why carry it? You aren't being forced to. Who cares if you're lazy or not? Why should it matter to you? Anything for the pain, the mental pain, to go away. It would be a relief, escaping from reality. To get away from everything that you are hurt by. Need is based on a goal, but you have no good goals in life. Sure, you may want to be a physicist or a programmer or a writer or an engineer or whatever, but there's no motivation toward those. You just picked those things because they are fun and you excel at them. But there's no motivation. Even as you write this here, the endless struggle between work and laziness continue. But is a lack of motivation lazy? Your parents can get you to do an activity, but even they, despite them being close and amazing family members, can barely get you to do a short-term activity. How are you supposed to make it thru school? Why even bother making it thru school? It is four whole years. That is 1460.964 days. That is 126227289.6 seconds. And that's just high school. That doesn't include college at all. And yet, you somehow have set the goal for yourself to graduate from college with a Masters or higher? It is ridiculous that you imagine yourself becoming and important scientific figure for the world when you are barely motivated enough to go to school. You will never achieve anything great in the world of science. In computer programming, you might actually have a chance if you were willing to work on doing it, but somehow whenever you want to do "computer programming", it circles back to playing some game on the computer. And statistically speaking you won't become a successful writer. So why even bother trying?"
At or before this point, the other side of me chooses to reply, "Why not? You don't want to do this, but other people want you to do it. Is your judgement superior to everyone else's? How so?" Also, sometimes the thought process of, "This will make you happy. It requires work, but you'll be happy in the end. Being happy is good. You like being happy. So do it so you can feel happy."
Or, occassionally, on days like today, I need a bit of a reminder from my parents. Thank you very much.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Even if I can get the motivation to simply do a single activity, it becomes so much harder if that activity requires effort. (This may be expanded upon later, but I can't expand upon this topic right now right now.)
Even if I can get the motivation to simply do a single activity, it becomes so much harder if that activity requires effort. (This may be expanded upon later, but I can't expand upon this topic right now right now.)
So do your best to not have a terrible day, in fact, have a terrific day, thank you very much for reading.
(Note: I was feeling like everything in that huge block of text the morning of writing this, but I didn't finish writing it completely until the afternoon. Originally I was planning on ending it at that paragraph, but I'm a bit more cheery at the time of writing this note (later in the day) which is certainly a thing I am thankful for.)
(Note: I was feeling like everything in that huge block of text the morning of writing this, but I didn't finish writing it completely until the afternoon. Originally I was planning on ending it at that paragraph, but I'm a bit more cheery at the time of writing this note (later in the day) which is certainly a thing I am thankful for.)
